Many of you may not know this but I have been engaged for over a year now. Conor and I got engaged in Italy right before my senior year of college and right before he started his masters program. This is not going to be a post about our proposal story, but I will share that on our upcoming anniversary!
I am that girl with 10 different pinterest boards for my wedding, don’t believe me? Go check! I am that girl who has been planning every party ever since she knew what a party was and would put on my mothers’ wedding dress or veil whenever she took it out while cleaning her closet. If you know me you would be incredibly surprised that I have not decided on my color scheme, wedding dress or venue.
I have been incredibly conflicted with planning my wedding, no even thinking about planning my wedding. This isn’t because I have cold feet and don’t want to commit to my fiance. It’s because I am so overwhelmed with the idea of spending all this money on something for just us and with the commitment of being married, things like healthcare and others change. I want to make sure that I’m making the best decisions for us for where we are now and for where we want to be in the future.
I dreamed of having this huge wedding that is lavish and beautiful but it’s just not what I really want anymore. I want something that means so much more and is responsible in how I spend the budget and even the ethical implications of where I’m purchasing bridesmaids dresses and shoes. Sometimes I just wish I could close my eyes and not worry about who is being impacted by my purchases but it turns out that’s really not who I am and I can’t do that.
I’m happy that I’ve been engaged for over a year already because I haven’t had to deal with the stress of planning, funding and executing a wedding. I know so many people who have done this directly out of college, on tight budget’s and on the shortest of engagements. I would never have been able to do that. I am a person who needs everything planned and the fact that I don’t have the next five years planned out is so scary for me! Especially since I have no idea where Conor will bring us with medschool and everything kind of depends on this one factor. Even though Conor and I are not married, we work together as if we were so there has never been this burning need to rush getting married.
Now for the big news after my random rambling.
Conor said I can finally begin planning for our wedding. This is huge for me because like I said I don’t even really know where we’ll be in August and we won’t be having a wedding for at least one and a half or two years. I’m so excited but already I’m getting nervous and worried about everything! It’s nice that I have a lot of time to think things through as far as decorating and what I’m looking for in our wedding. Unfortunately I won’t be able to figure out venue, photographers and things like this until I know where we might be living at the end of summer.
It’s crazy to think that my engagement might end up being 3 years long!