Would you believe me if I told you my first and only kiss was with my husband? I’ve always thought about it and how weird that sounds… writing it out makes it a little more unbelievable, but it’s true! My husband was my first and my only boyfriend. When we got married young there was a lot that we didn’t expect.
For some people, it wasn’t a surprise at all that I got married for what is considered young in my family and my group of friends. I was 23 at the time and he was 24, and I was engaged before graduating from undergrad. We actually got engaged the summer before my senior year and at the start of his first year in his master’s program, it happened in Italy! Thinking back on how everything happened, it’s almost a blur.
Growing Together //
When you get married young, you have the opportunity to grow together. In your early twenties, you’re figuring out your careers, you’re moving from a teenager to an adult and starting to establish yourself. When you’re going through all your life changing moments, you have the opportunity to go through it together and share important milestones together. Sometimes it can be stressful going through career changes, moves and possibly growing a family but as long as you continue to communicate to each other and make time for one another, growing together and sharing those moments will be memorable.
Not Everyone Will Be Happy //
When you both decide that you want to get married, whether or not you choose to have a wedding, someone will not be happy with your decision. They may feel that you’re too young or you’re not mature enough but just remember that they believe that they have your interests in mind. Hear them out but if you’re confident in your decision, let them know. Let them know you love them and you take their opinion to heart however you have weighed the options, and you’re happy with the decision you made. It might be stressful and if they’re really not supportive do your best to ignore what they’re saying and seek support from your partner. We weren’t too excited about pre-marital counseling, but it helped us come to terms with this issue.
Losing Single Friends is Common //
Going off of the last point, some friends might not be the happiest about you getting married. If you lose some friends who are single, know that it’s not uncommon. You’re going to be moving into a new phase in your life and some people may not be prepared for that even if you aren’t changing as a person. Some people may even feel jealous that they haven’t moved along in their own lives and it’s not necessarily anything personal against you. Do your best to stay in touch with friends, reach out and plan friend dates with them to try and keep the connection and relationship going.
Merging Career Goals & Compromise //
Because you’re young, you aren’t going to have careers established yet, so you and your partner might have to figure out how to merge your career goals and compromise with one another. In my case, my husband is going to medical school so my career is restricted to the general area that he’s going to medical school. You both might have to figure out where you each are in your career and education pursuits and compromise to get each other to your individual goals. I decided to go back to school to make myself more competitive in my field while I’m in a city that isn’t the most conducive for my field. In addition to this, having the new degree would also allow me to work from home or different cities which is beneficial for potential travel in my husbands’ medical career.
You Both Will Be the Only Married Couple//
If you’re marrying young, there’s a big chance that you will both be the first married couple in your friends groups and you’ll remain the only married couple in your friend groups for awhile. Someone has to take the plunge first and it might as well be you. Just don’t forget about your friends after you tie the knot. Do your best to maintain the friendships like they were pre-marriage. Not that you shouldn’t talk about marriage or your relationship but they might not be able to relate entirely. When your friends start getting engaged and married you’ll be the first person they go to for advice though.
Getting Treated Like a Child//
Unfortunately since you’re young you’ll probably be treated like a child by your family members, despite being married. Just because you’re married now doesn’t mean that your family members will adjust well to the new responsibilities you have and the new life you’re creating. Family members also want to offer advice that they’ve learned from their marriages so try to do your best to listen. It can be frustrating at times but it’ll get better.
Building a Life and Stability//
Since you’re most likely in your early 20s you’re still building and creating stability for you and your spouse. It’s stressful, it’s scary and different. There will be a lot of unanswered questions but you’ll go through it together. Be each others support and make sure you communicate throughout everything. When you’re job searching, let them know what you’re looking at, when it comes to getting pets go on play dates together, just because life has a to do list, doesn’t mean you have to seperate and conquer. You should come together and walk through each piece as a unit. Staying together and on the same page for building your life together helps to build stability.
Your Decisions Will Be Questioned//
Everyone will have an opinion about where you’ll be living, what your job will be and how you raise future children. Depending on who is questioning and lecturing you, listen and hear them out. If they begin to cross the line however, don’t be afraid to discuss with your spouse about creating boundaries for family members.
Your Decisions Won’t Be Questioned//
At some points you’ll want to be given advice or hear an opinion about something that’s going on but your mom or relative doesn’t seem to want to offer it. It could be a decision you’re making about buying a new car but they will say something nuetral but you want to hear if they approve or disapprove of your decision. Know that their opinion might be an unpopular one, so like the saying goes, if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. If you really need to hear their opinion, let them know that you value what they have to say because they have much more expereince than you do.
More Years Together//
One of the best things about getting married young is that you’ll have more years together as a married couple. How do you handle this? By spending as many moments as you can together present and creating unforgetable memories.
If you got married young what was something that you experienced that you weren’t quite expecting?